Matt 8:13> Hey, Cheyenne has crafted cake pops that she wants to give to you even though I told her you were basically Hitler's ghost. When is the best time to bring them to you?
Adam 8:17> No! You are the ghost!* You were supposed to get into that ghost trap that looked like a box!
Adam 8: 18> Also, I'm here till 9 or I'm at home around 10. between 9 and 10 tonight I'll be at my parents
Matt 8:31> Hmmmm, outrageous. I'll bring them to you after work tomorrow. And punch you.
Adam 8:33> BUT CHEYENNE SAID NOTHING OF PUNCHES!
Matt 8:34> CHEYENNE IS NOT THE BOSS OF MY FISTS!
Adam 8:35> Um yeah she is. It says in the wedding certificate. I know. I signed it.
Matt 8:46> Damn. Did it say anything about feet? Maybe I'll kick you.
Adam 8:48> Yeah as official witness I get control of your feet. You only get that back once I'm married. So NEVER! HAHA HA HAHA... Awwww... I made myself sad...
*As seen in http://adamandmattneedattention.blogspot.com/2010/07/my-life-as-teenage-ghost-rope-of-sand.html
That's right. Continuity!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
I used to know that vulture... in another life...
Adam 11:34> Hey didn't we have a blog or something?
Matt 11:46> Oh yeah. I think it was about bird watching or something. Something awesome.
Adam 11:49> That... Doesn't sound right.But it does sound awesome! Did we rate birds on an erection based scale? As the top of the list being "full on" and bottom being "vagina" or "reverse penis"?
Matt 1:52> If we didn't before then we should definitely start. I rate Ravens as "full on" to start with. Because they make cool sounds and probably know some secrets or something. I rate seagulls as "reverse penis" because I don't trust them, and magpies as "semi boner" because I'm only sort of attracted to them.
Adam 2:05> I agree with ravens. Being super intelligent always cause "full on". See vultures would be "semi" because though they are ugly. They are essential to the eco system and they have broken my heart in the past. I bet we had more than 10 followers!
Adam 2:05> Seeing as we are sooooo interesting and handsome
Matt 2:53> We are those things, nobody can deny that. And tall. Taller than average. I bet we had hundreds of followers. But most of them were secret followers because they were shy and intimidated by our greatness.
Matt 11:46> Oh yeah. I think it was about bird watching or something. Something awesome.
Adam 11:49> That... Doesn't sound right.But it does sound awesome! Did we rate birds on an erection based scale? As the top of the list being "full on" and bottom being "vagina" or "reverse penis"?
Matt 1:52> If we didn't before then we should definitely start. I rate Ravens as "full on" to start with. Because they make cool sounds and probably know some secrets or something. I rate seagulls as "reverse penis" because I don't trust them, and magpies as "semi boner" because I'm only sort of attracted to them.
Adam 2:05> I agree with ravens. Being super intelligent always cause "full on". See vultures would be "semi" because though they are ugly. They are essential to the eco system and they have broken my heart in the past. I bet we had more than 10 followers!
Adam 2:05> Seeing as we are sooooo interesting and handsome
Matt 2:53> We are those things, nobody can deny that. And tall. Taller than average. I bet we had hundreds of followers. But most of them were secret followers because they were shy and intimidated by our greatness.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Now appearing in a truck stop/ Antiquity store near you!
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Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I don't like water.
Adam 1:41pm> Damn it Matt!! Stop being difficult!!
Matt 2:35pm> I have special need Adam! One of those is me need for gallons and gallons of human blood.
Adam 3:08pm> Well as you know I produce 3 gallons of blood a minute so that isn't a problem. The problem is your strange bathing habits.
Matt 3:21pm> What's "bathing"?
Adam 3:22pm> Exactly
Matt 3:23pm> I don't follow
Adam 3:25pm> Bathing is when you use cleaning solutions such as soap and water to wash away the dirt upon ones self.
Matt 5:07pm> That doesn't sound right. I think what you're describing there is actually a form of witchcraft.
Matt 2:35pm> I have special need Adam! One of those is me need for gallons and gallons of human blood.
Adam 3:08pm> Well as you know I produce 3 gallons of blood a minute so that isn't a problem. The problem is your strange bathing habits.
Matt 3:21pm> What's "bathing"?
Adam 3:22pm> Exactly
Matt 3:23pm> I don't follow
Adam 3:25pm> Bathing is when you use cleaning solutions such as soap and water to wash away the dirt upon ones self.
Matt 5:07pm> That doesn't sound right. I think what you're describing there is actually a form of witchcraft.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Smack it, flip it, rub it down
Adam 2:03> Hey Matt would I be able to do a guest spot for our blog? I think a guest texter would help liven up the blog.
Matt 2:34>You can do a guest stop when I'm deep in the cold ground, and not a one second sooner!
Adam 2:56> Awwww... but.... but..
Matt 11:05>The only but I want to hear from you is in the sentence: "i'm not gay, but I can see why women like your butt, Matt."
Adam 11:14>See! This is exactly why we only have 11 folowers! We can only do so many posts about your butt! (though tender and spankable it may be) Ok how about we do one about my butt?
Matt 4:13> You ungrateful son of a bitch. My butt got us where we are today, and now you want to turn your back on it! Traitor.
Adam 5:09> Yes! That is exactly what I'm doing! Look at my butt Matt! Look at it!
Matt 2:34>You can do a guest stop when I'm deep in the cold ground, and not a one second sooner!
Adam 2:56> Awwww... but.... but..
Matt 11:05>The only but I want to hear from you is in the sentence: "i'm not gay, but I can see why women like your butt, Matt."
Adam 11:14>See! This is exactly why we only have 11 folowers! We can only do so many posts about your butt! (though tender and spankable it may be) Ok how about we do one about my butt?
Matt 4:13> You ungrateful son of a bitch. My butt got us where we are today, and now you want to turn your back on it! Traitor.
Adam 5:09> Yes! That is exactly what I'm doing! Look at my butt Matt! Look at it!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Don't be offended retard.
Adam 11:20> Hey when does Jeff get back?
Matt 11:21> I dunno, this week maybe? When did he leave?
Adam 11:22> I can't remember. That's why I'm asking you dummy!
Matt 11:23> No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
Adam 11:25> Woah! Calm down re-re! Don't want to hurt yourself with your retard strength. Here have some cake.
Matt 11:25> Cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Adam 11:26> Awwww there there. Does retard like his cake? Now tell me when jeff gets back.
Matt 4:02> Well we played deadlands two weeks ago right? So he should be back this weekend I think.
Adam 4:04> Gotcha.... retard.
Matt 4:07> Whoa, hurtful. "dummy" is the preferred nomanclature.
Adam 4:10> Oh sorry. DUMMY retard.
Matt 4:12> That's better.
Adam 4:40> Ugly dummy retarded gargoyle.
Matt 11:21> I dunno, this week maybe? When did he leave?
Adam 11:22> I can't remember. That's why I'm asking you dummy!
Matt 11:23> No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
Adam 11:25> Woah! Calm down re-re! Don't want to hurt yourself with your retard strength. Here have some cake.
Matt 11:25> Cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Adam 11:26> Awwww there there. Does retard like his cake? Now tell me when jeff gets back.
Matt 4:02> Well we played deadlands two weeks ago right? So he should be back this weekend I think.
Adam 4:04> Gotcha.... retard.
Matt 4:07> Whoa, hurtful. "dummy" is the preferred nomanclature.
Adam 4:10> Oh sorry. DUMMY retard.
Matt 4:12> That's better.
Adam 4:40> Ugly dummy retarded gargoyle.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
htriB fo elcariM ehT
Adam (1:51pm) grant told me the coolest thing d and d drinking
Matt (1:52pm) That does sound good.
Adam (1:54pm) So your hp is measured out in cans of beer. And losing hp you have to drink that much.
Adam (1:54pm) Mp is measured in shots. Might do it this Saturday.
Matt (1:57pm) Sounds amazing. Do we have to do D&D though? (I’m inviting myself even though you were probably just about to tell me not to be there because you are a mean person.)
Adam (1:59pm) I think so. Jackson dm’s it and they play D&D
Matt (1:59pm) Oh I thought you were going to run one.
Adam (2:00pm) I told grant you would be down. When he said no I punched him so hard he went back into his mom’s womb
Matt (2:00pm) Good, that womb needs a baby in it.
Matt (2:01pm) I don’t know what that means.
Adam (2:02pm) It’s ok, I know your drunk and uneasy when it comes to reverse births and wombs.
Matt (2:38pm) It makes me feel all icky.
Matt (1:52pm) That does sound good.
Adam (1:54pm) So your hp is measured out in cans of beer. And losing hp you have to drink that much.
Adam (1:54pm) Mp is measured in shots. Might do it this Saturday.
Matt (1:57pm) Sounds amazing. Do we have to do D&D though? (I’m inviting myself even though you were probably just about to tell me not to be there because you are a mean person.)
Adam (1:59pm) I think so. Jackson dm’s it and they play D&D
Matt (1:59pm) Oh I thought you were going to run one.
Adam (2:00pm) I told grant you would be down. When he said no I punched him so hard he went back into his mom’s womb
Matt (2:00pm) Good, that womb needs a baby in it.
Matt (2:01pm) I don’t know what that means.
Adam (2:02pm) It’s ok, I know your drunk and uneasy when it comes to reverse births and wombs.
Matt (2:38pm) It makes me feel all icky.
He said it alright!
Matt: I love breasts, Adam. But if I have to choose between Breasts and Harry Potter, I think you know how that's going to turn out.
P.S. J.K. Rowling, we will take our payment for this plug in Sacagawea Dollars, or Fried Chicken.
P.S. J.K. Rowling, we will take our payment for this plug in Sacagawea Dollars, or Fried Chicken.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Somebody's getting Married!
So for those of you whom (or is it who?) may not know. A little over two weeks ago Matt up and got married. Though many of you do know, seeing as how all our followers are our friends. But I'm going to pretend that we have a lot more fans then we realize.
Anyway, in honor of this union, I will post the last "funny" text conversation between Matt and I as single bachelors! (by we I mean Matt since he got married and I'm still sitting alone every night with 4 gallons of ice cream, ranging from vanilla, to coconut rum... Don't you judge me!) (also Matt is still on his Honeymoon, so not much texting going on right now.)
Matt 4:06pm> Hey when are you off work tonight? I was thinking we could hang out after.
Adam 4:17pm> I'm off at ten. Can you bit hang out saturday?
Adam 4:21pm> *not
Matt 4:22pm> Sure! do you not want to get dessert or somthing after you're off work tonight?
Adam 4:22pm> Sure! Wait... Is is finally happening? Are you finally making your move?
Matt 4:24pm> Oh yeah, I figured it's now or never.
Adam 4:25pm> Hmmmm so this whole marriage thing was a clever ruse? Is Cheyanne in on it?
Anyway, in honor of this union, I will post the last "funny" text conversation between Matt and I as single bachelors! (by we I mean Matt since he got married and I'm still sitting alone every night with 4 gallons of ice cream, ranging from vanilla, to coconut rum... Don't you judge me!) (also Matt is still on his Honeymoon, so not much texting going on right now.)
Matt 4:06pm> Hey when are you off work tonight? I was thinking we could hang out after.
Adam 4:17pm> I'm off at ten. Can you bit hang out saturday?
Adam 4:21pm> *not
Matt 4:22pm> Sure! do you not want to get dessert or somthing after you're off work tonight?
Adam 4:22pm> Sure! Wait... Is is finally happening? Are you finally making your move?
Matt 4:24pm> Oh yeah, I figured it's now or never.
Adam 4:25pm> Hmmmm so this whole marriage thing was a clever ruse? Is Cheyanne in on it?
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Like the Majestic Goundhog
Matt 10:31pm> Why are you not at your house? This is weird.
Adam 10:32pm> Crap! I forgot to text you I was running late! I mean... That was my plan all along!
Matt 10:34pm> You are terrible. Like a hobo that lives underground for most of the year and only comes up during late summer to poop in a public place. That's how bad you are.
Adam 10:32pm> Crap! I forgot to text you I was running late! I mean... That was my plan all along!
Matt 10:34pm> You are terrible. Like a hobo that lives underground for most of the year and only comes up during late summer to poop in a public place. That's how bad you are.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
That's right, we restorted* to toilet humor.
Adam 8:52am> ... Did you poop in my house last night?
Matt 8:55am> I poop in your house every night, I thought you were paying me to. Am I not getting a check this month?
Adam 8:56am> Well you were, but there seems to be a lack of poo this morning...
Adam 8:56am> Care to explain?
Matt 10:48am> I pooped! I pooped like crazy, all over the place! you must have some sort of first that came in after and stole it.
Matt 10:48am> and by first I mean ghost.
Adam 10:51am> Grrrr that ghost! Every time! He won't let me do or have anything! And I think he says anti-racist thing to me in my sleep.
Matt 11:08 am>Ugh, he's so tolerant it make me sick.
Adam 11:09am> And to top it all off, he she's permission before he enters me! What the hell!?!
Adam 11:19am> I mean he/she asked permission before he enters me... That's what I meant...
Matt 1:13pm> That's disgusting. Meaning things is the worst thing a person can do. Adam I demand that you start feeling bad about it immediately!
*note: Yes I see that I misspelled resorted. What do you want from me? This is a blog about two guys texting each other. Not a dissertation on pooping in ones house!
Matt 8:55am> I poop in your house every night, I thought you were paying me to. Am I not getting a check this month?
Adam 8:56am> Well you were, but there seems to be a lack of poo this morning...
Adam 8:56am> Care to explain?
Matt 10:48am> I pooped! I pooped like crazy, all over the place! you must have some sort of first that came in after and stole it.
Matt 10:48am> and by first I mean ghost.
Adam 10:51am> Grrrr that ghost! Every time! He won't let me do or have anything! And I think he says anti-racist thing to me in my sleep.
Matt 11:08 am>Ugh, he's so tolerant it make me sick.
Adam 11:09am> And to top it all off, he she's permission before he enters me! What the hell!?!
Adam 11:19am> I mean he/she asked permission before he enters me... That's what I meant...
Matt 1:13pm> That's disgusting. Meaning things is the worst thing a person can do. Adam I demand that you start feeling bad about it immediately!
*note: Yes I see that I misspelled resorted. What do you want from me? This is a blog about two guys texting each other. Not a dissertation on pooping in ones house!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Love... Love will keep us together.
Adam 1:51pm> Remeber three my place
Matt 1:55pm> Do I need to bring anything?
Adam 1:56pm> Paper. Pencil. That's about it.
Matt 1:57pm> No adam, there's love.
Adam 1:57pm> ... love? What is this... Love?
Matt 1:58pm> It's a lot like sleepiness, but there's more knives.
Adam 1:59pm> It...It sounds amazing. How can I get this love?
Matt 2:00pm> But a horse, all love is a horse.
Adam 2:02PM> So love is in a horse's butt? That doesn't seem worth it.
Matt 2:02PM> You'll understand whenyou're older.
Matt 1:55pm> Do I need to bring anything?
Adam 1:56pm> Paper. Pencil. That's about it.
Matt 1:57pm> No adam, there's love.
Adam 1:57pm> ... love? What is this... Love?
Matt 1:58pm> It's a lot like sleepiness, but there's more knives.
Adam 1:59pm> It...It sounds amazing. How can I get this love?
Matt 2:00pm> But a horse, all love is a horse.
Adam 2:02PM> So love is in a horse's butt? That doesn't seem worth it.
Matt 2:02PM> You'll understand whenyou're older.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
This sounds a bit gay...
Adam 4:57> YOU HUSH IT UP MATT!
Matt 4:58> Why are you so mean? Now my feelings are so hurt.
Adam 4:59> Good. Now you know the pain I feel everyday we aren't together. You remember this pain!
Matt 5:20> No! I'm going to drink so I forget the wrong that you have done today!
Adam 5:58> Dammit you drunk! I worry about you! Can't you see and feel that!
Matt 10:59> You only care about your bear circus!!
Adam 10:59> That great circus is all that's left of your dead legacy! Some one has to take care of it!
Matt 4:58> Why are you so mean? Now my feelings are so hurt.
Adam 4:59> Good. Now you know the pain I feel everyday we aren't together. You remember this pain!
Matt 5:20> No! I'm going to drink so I forget the wrong that you have done today!
Adam 5:58> Dammit you drunk! I worry about you! Can't you see and feel that!
Matt 10:59> You only care about your bear circus!!
Adam 10:59> That great circus is all that's left of your dead legacy! Some one has to take care of it!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
The Ladies just can't resist.
(Picture of a cut on Adam's face)
Matt 10:52> Nice. Fingernail?
Adam 10:53> Don't know. Just happened.
Matt 10:55> Crazy. Maybe you'll get an awesome scar and them you can be crazy scar guy.
Adam 11:19> Ooooooo. That would be aso awesome! Then everyone will fear me! And women will want to fix me.
Matt 11:21> True. You'll be like a broken puppy that they just want to take home and fill with oil before they replace all your springs. That's how puppies work right?
Adam 11:39> Oh yeah def! I mean that's what I do for LL*. Next he's getting rocket boots and retractable buzz saws.
Matt 11:40> Sweet, then he can show those teenagers who's boss.
Adam 11:44> Oh Man! Soon he'll be like dyno-mutt, then I can be the Blue Falcon! Fighting crime! We'll be in danger! Then he'll say some witty remark to lighten the situation... Amazing.
Gnome and the Gargoyle 2: With a Vengence!
Adam 11:25> Hey Dingus! It's your turn on Wordfeud!
Matt 11:48> You're the Dingus, Dingus.
Adam 11:51> NO! Cause everyone knows that dingus is a sub species of gargoyles! Gargoyle!
Matt 11:52> Oh is that part of your gnome Dialect? All I hear is herf derf derf.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
TIME TRAVEL?!?!?
Lets go back in time to a text me and Matt had in the distant past of January 20th, 2011.
Adam 10:43am> So Matt, we now have 39 posts under our belt. I feel we either need to do a best of album. Or a clip show. What do you think?
Matt 7:01 pm >Every post is our best post Adam, we are perfectly consistent in our brilliance. If we compiled a llist of our greates works into a single post then our manyfans would be overwhelmed with perfection and would experience joy too great for their frail mortal bodies to bear. They would die of the sweeteest and purest extasy. So yes, we should totally do that.
Adam 7:17pm> So how about we do a clip show blog where we get trapped somewhere and reminisce on our old adventures. But say its a new blog!
Adam 10:43am> So Matt, we now have 39 posts under our belt. I feel we either need to do a best of album. Or a clip show. What do you think?
Matt 7:01 pm >Every post is our best post Adam, we are perfectly consistent in our brilliance. If we compiled a llist of our greates works into a single post then our manyfans would be overwhelmed with perfection and would experience joy too great for their frail mortal bodies to bear. They would die of the sweeteest and purest extasy. So yes, we should totally do that.
Adam 7:17pm> So how about we do a clip show blog where we get trapped somewhere and reminisce on our old adventures. But say its a new blog!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Truth about Love.
Adam 9:04> Sooo... Whatcha doin?
Matt 9:05> Watching ong bak 3 with cheyenne's friends. You?
Adam 9:07> sitting at my parents watching tv. About to play videogames. You working tomorrow?
Matt 9:08> Tragically
Adam 9:10> Lame. we should all quit and marry rich cougars!
Matt 9:11> I know! Tell Cheyanne to get rich she doesn't listen when I tell her.
Adam 9:15> Ok I will start off yelling at her. Then eaze off to get her to trust me. THEN follow up with me beating you savagely.
Matt 9:20> Good good. That'll learn her.
Adam 9:20> Now what am I to do...
Matt 9:56> Marry a giant woman! And then she can just carry you everywhere and beat up all those mean kids at the playground.
Adam 9:57> But whay about the money situation? What will I do about that? Huh?
Matt 9:58> Obviously your giant bride will be rich.
Adam 10:04> Ah! Good! Will she be super pretty and nice?
Matt 10:08> No, she she will be wrathful and cross.
Adam 10:13> Ahh... Sexy at least?
Matt 10:21> All giants are sexy adam.
Matt 9:05> Watching ong bak 3 with cheyenne's friends. You?
Adam 9:07> sitting at my parents watching tv. About to play videogames. You working tomorrow?
Matt 9:08> Tragically
Adam 9:10> Lame. we should all quit and marry rich cougars!
Matt 9:11> I know! Tell Cheyanne to get rich she doesn't listen when I tell her.
Adam 9:15> Ok I will start off yelling at her. Then eaze off to get her to trust me. THEN follow up with me beating you savagely.
Matt 9:20> Good good. That'll learn her.
Adam 9:20> Now what am I to do...
Matt 9:56> Marry a giant woman! And then she can just carry you everywhere and beat up all those mean kids at the playground.
Adam 9:57> But whay about the money situation? What will I do about that? Huh?
Matt 9:58> Obviously your giant bride will be rich.
Adam 10:04> Ah! Good! Will she be super pretty and nice?
Matt 10:08> No, she she will be wrathful and cross.
Adam 10:13> Ahh... Sexy at least?
Matt 10:21> All giants are sexy adam.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Pob, the unholy one
Matt 3:30 pm> Adam! Rob and Peter started their own blog copying our blog and it makes me so mad that I've been crying and throwing up for hours.
Adam 3:31 pm> ... what!
Adam 3:31 pm> THIS
Adam3:31 pm> WILL
Adam 3:31 pm> NOT
Adam 3:32 pm> STAND!!!!
Adam 3:32 pm> WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!
Matt 3:35 pm> Just now! they sent out an email and my rage was so great that it changed the past and caused me to vomit even before I knew about it.
Matt 3:35 pm> I assume it also cause the holocaust.
Matt 3:36 pm> Their blog, not my rage.
Adam 3:37 pm> I just saw it... And instantly 3 puppies much like lassie lit into flames as soon as I opened it.
Adam 3:38 pm> Ugh and their start blog is frightfully boring.
Matt 3:40 pm> So boring. I fell asleep 8 times while reading it. I was only woken up when a paramedic had to restart my heart because my body had lost the will to live because it was so boring.
Adam 3:42 pm> I also think the support terrorism AND baby eating.
Matt 3:43 pm> Correct. I consulted the worlds top scientists earlier and they confirmed it. Also I heard Hitler follows their blog.
Adam 3:46 pm> Oh I know one if them is a clone of Hitler and has his evil soul lurking in that hideous husk he calls a body.
Matt 3:50 pm> I know! And the other one is probably a robot body controlled by the brain of the original Hitler.
Adam 3:55 pm> And! They both wear glasses! Glasses are a sign of weakeness, and the devil.
Matt 3:57 pm> "Ohh look at me, I'm Peter and Rob and I wear glasses because my vision is bad. Also I poop my pants every day."
Adam 4:07 pm> "Ooooo Rob and I also deployed HIV by having sex and abusing monkeys. Also me being Peter I speck like a Re-re."
Matt 4:16 pm> That is so them. Classic Pob.
Adam 3:31 pm> ... what!
Adam 3:31 pm> THIS
Adam3:31 pm> WILL
Adam 3:31 pm> NOT
Adam 3:32 pm> STAND!!!!
Adam 3:32 pm> WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!
Matt 3:35 pm> Just now! they sent out an email and my rage was so great that it changed the past and caused me to vomit even before I knew about it.
Matt 3:35 pm> I assume it also cause the holocaust.
Matt 3:36 pm> Their blog, not my rage.
Adam 3:37 pm> I just saw it... And instantly 3 puppies much like lassie lit into flames as soon as I opened it.
Adam 3:38 pm> Ugh and their start blog is frightfully boring.
Matt 3:40 pm> So boring. I fell asleep 8 times while reading it. I was only woken up when a paramedic had to restart my heart because my body had lost the will to live because it was so boring.
Adam 3:42 pm> I also think the support terrorism AND baby eating.
Matt 3:43 pm> Correct. I consulted the worlds top scientists earlier and they confirmed it. Also I heard Hitler follows their blog.
Adam 3:46 pm> Oh I know one if them is a clone of Hitler and has his evil soul lurking in that hideous husk he calls a body.
Matt 3:50 pm> I know! And the other one is probably a robot body controlled by the brain of the original Hitler.
Adam 3:55 pm> And! They both wear glasses! Glasses are a sign of weakeness, and the devil.
Matt 3:57 pm> "Ohh look at me, I'm Peter and Rob and I wear glasses because my vision is bad. Also I poop my pants every day."
Adam 4:07 pm> "Ooooo Rob and I also deployed HIV by having sex and abusing monkeys. Also me being Peter I speck like a Re-re."
Matt 4:16 pm> That is so them. Classic Pob.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Punching father time in the sack
Matt 7:49pm> So what time does everyone want to start tomorrow? I vote for 10:00am
Adam 7:50pm> I say 11 or 12
Matt 8:40pm> Two vote for 10 two for noon. No word from Jeff.
Adam 8:42pm> Oh. You were serioue about 10
Matt 8:43pm > I get up early
Matt 9:19pm> well compromise on 11 or so?
Adam 9:23pm> No!
Matt 9:34pm> Yes!
Adam 9:34pm> No!
Matt 9:35pm> Adam you shut that mouth!
Adam 9:45pm> No! You can't tell me what to do! You left me and mom to fend for ourselves!
Matt 9:53pm> That's because you were boring! I need aventure in my life Adam, and Hookers.
Adam 9:53pm> Wow... I didn't know... I... I'm so sorry.
Adam 10:19pm > So what time?
Adam 7:50pm> I say 11 or 12
Matt 8:40pm> Two vote for 10 two for noon. No word from Jeff.
Adam 8:42pm> Oh. You were serioue about 10
Matt 8:43pm > I get up early
Matt 9:19pm> well compromise on 11 or so?
Adam 9:23pm> No!
Matt 9:34pm> Yes!
Adam 9:34pm> No!
Matt 9:35pm> Adam you shut that mouth!
Adam 9:45pm> No! You can't tell me what to do! You left me and mom to fend for ourselves!
Matt 9:53pm> That's because you were boring! I need aventure in my life Adam, and Hookers.
Adam 9:53pm> Wow... I didn't know... I... I'm so sorry.
Adam 10:19pm > So what time?
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
GONNA HAUL ASS TO LOLLAPALOOZA!
Matt 8:17> Adam our blog has been stagnating at 8 followers for a while now. How can we attract today's hip youth to our blog?
Adam 8:19> Hmmmm... Let me think... Ooooo we could sexy it up by adding a sexy sassy female character! Or a rocking elder!
Matt 8:23> Hmmmm, that sounds like a lot of work. I was thinking something more like maybe you could start using popular slang words or talking with an accent. Reference getting crunk more, things like that.
Adam 8:27> OR! A rocking elder that uses popular slang terms! But now Matt the kids today don't use crunk anymore. Also! We should have explosions!KAPOW! BOOM!
Matt 9:20> YES! EVERYTHING MUST EXPLODE! FIRE WILL RAIN FROM ABOVE AND WE WILL LAUGH AND DANCE IN THE GLOW OF IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Adam 9:24> I don't like where this just went... I LOVE IT! YES PEOPL WILL LOOK UP AT US FROM OUR FLAMING PEDESTAL AND STARE IN AWE AT US! AND SACRIFICE ANIMALS AND VIRGINS AS THEY LOOK AT OR BLOG!
Adam 9:25> AND CURSE YOU SWYPE! I SAID OUR NOT OR!
Adam 9:26> BOOM! KERPOW!
Adam 8:19> Hmmmm... Let me think... Ooooo we could sexy it up by adding a sexy sassy female character! Or a rocking elder!
Matt 8:23> Hmmmm, that sounds like a lot of work. I was thinking something more like maybe you could start using popular slang words or talking with an accent. Reference getting crunk more, things like that.
Adam 8:27> OR! A rocking elder that uses popular slang terms! But now Matt the kids today don't use crunk anymore. Also! We should have explosions!KAPOW! BOOM!
Matt 9:20> YES! EVERYTHING MUST EXPLODE! FIRE WILL RAIN FROM ABOVE AND WE WILL LAUGH AND DANCE IN THE GLOW OF IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Adam 9:24> I don't like where this just went... I LOVE IT! YES PEOPL WILL LOOK UP AT US FROM OUR FLAMING PEDESTAL AND STARE IN AWE AT US! AND SACRIFICE ANIMALS AND VIRGINS AS THEY LOOK AT OR BLOG!
Adam 9:25> AND CURSE YOU SWYPE! I SAID OUR NOT OR!
Adam 9:26> BOOM! KERPOW!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Hate breeds mistrust
Adam 4:04pm>Did you see I canceled game night?
Matt 4:05 pm> No what happened?
Adam 4:05pm> Not enough people can go, because of finals
Matt 4:05pm> Ugh, I hate people. Especially all of them
Adam 4:06pm>I know right! Especially the ones with the noses
Matt 4:08pm> They're the worst! What the fuck is so important that they have to smell it all the time?
Adam 4:12pm> I know! And then they turn them upwards when they think they are better then you! Which we all know no one is better than you.
Matt 4:05 pm> No what happened?
Adam 4:05pm> Not enough people can go, because of finals
Matt 4:05pm> Ugh, I hate people. Especially all of them
Adam 4:06pm>I know right! Especially the ones with the noses
Matt 4:08pm> They're the worst! What the fuck is so important that they have to smell it all the time?
Adam 4:12pm> I know! And then they turn them upwards when they think they are better then you! Which we all know no one is better than you.
Monday, November 15, 2010
The Gnome and the Gargoyle. And other short stories.
Matt 12:49 pm> You want to see due date at 4:30 today?
Adam 12:53pm> Eh not really. Unless... Whose going?
Matt 12:58 pm> Just me and Chey and my Bros.
Adam 12:59 pm> Eh not really.
Matt 1:00pm >Outrageous.
Matt 1:00 pm>Outrageous.
Adam 1:01 pm> Mainly because I don't want to hang out with a fucking GARGOYLE!
Matt 1:02 pm> FUCK YOU THEN, GARGOYLE!!!!!
Adam 1:03 pm> Rawr rawr no one understands you Gargoyle.
Matt 1:19pm > Herf derf derf, go burn something underground and continue to be tiny *
Adam 2:33pm> Why don't you sit on your perch and be all gothic.
*note: Everyone who is anybody knows that Gnomes burn things underground while saying Herf Derf Derf.
Adam 12:53pm> Eh not really. Unless... Whose going?
Matt 12:58 pm> Just me and Chey and my Bros.
Adam 12:59 pm> Eh not really.
Matt 1:00pm >Outrageous.
Matt 1:00 pm>Outrageous.
Adam 1:01 pm> Mainly because I don't want to hang out with a fucking GARGOYLE!
Matt 1:02 pm> FUCK YOU THEN, GARGOYLE!!!!!
Adam 1:03 pm> Rawr rawr no one understands you Gargoyle.
Matt 1:19pm > Herf derf derf, go burn something underground and continue to be tiny *
Adam 2:33pm> Why don't you sit on your perch and be all gothic.
*note: Everyone who is anybody knows that Gnomes burn things underground while saying Herf Derf Derf.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Work placement woes.
Adam 10:24am> Matt I hate my job. Make it easier more enjoyable and pay more.
Matt 10:40am> Agreed. Here is the plan: first you will graduallyreplace your frail human form with a mighty robot body, terrible to behold. Thenwhen the weak cower before your fury you will unleash your unfathomable metal rage upon them in the form of a politely worded letter of resignation. Then you'll move to a small town near Albaquerky and get a temp job sorting mail at a dental office.
Adam 10:49 am> Wait, what do I do if my current superiors are giant menacing robots with tendencies to eat babies?
Matt 10:52am> Then you're going to skip the part where you become a robot and just cry instead. Just cry and cry and cry.
Adam 10:54am> And cry so much that my tears will rust them? OR! I could thow tens of thousands of babies at them till they choke on baby entrails!
Matt 10:40am> Agreed. Here is the plan: first you will graduallyreplace your frail human form with a mighty robot body, terrible to behold. Thenwhen the weak cower before your fury you will unleash your unfathomable metal rage upon them in the form of a politely worded letter of resignation. Then you'll move to a small town near Albaquerky and get a temp job sorting mail at a dental office.
Adam 10:49 am> Wait, what do I do if my current superiors are giant menacing robots with tendencies to eat babies?
Matt 10:52am> Then you're going to skip the part where you become a robot and just cry instead. Just cry and cry and cry.
Adam 10:54am> And cry so much that my tears will rust them? OR! I could thow tens of thousands of babies at them till they choke on baby entrails!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Confusing people with Swype!
Adam 8:42pm> Sucker under inked sticks webkinz superb taken into hals suburb fujitsu officio punch kids clix major disc bcoz dmx chick colfax should within
Matt 8:43 pm> That was hurtful Adam
Adam 8:44pm> Figure sign first
Matt 8:44pm> Derigible!
Adam 8:45pm> Don't you talk to me like that you dusseldorf!
Matt 8:46pm> Adam your brain is broken. Find the nearest hobo and trade shoes with him.
Adam 8:47pm> No! You will respect me and my new texting skills!
Adam 8:48> Swype is the greatest thing ever!
Matt 8:48>You face will respect my face when I grow that mustache!
Adam 8:49pm> Mustaches are under rated! They are the bane of Norway's mineral exports!
Matt 8:50pm> You don't know what half those words mean!
Adam 8:53pm> Only because you were a horrible teacher! And a terrible girlfriend! I mean your not even female!
Matt 8:43 pm> That was hurtful Adam
Adam 8:44pm> Figure sign first
Matt 8:44pm> Derigible!
Adam 8:45pm> Don't you talk to me like that you dusseldorf!
Matt 8:46pm> Adam your brain is broken. Find the nearest hobo and trade shoes with him.
Adam 8:47pm> No! You will respect me and my new texting skills!
Adam 8:48> Swype is the greatest thing ever!
Matt 8:48>You face will respect my face when I grow that mustache!
Adam 8:49pm> Mustaches are under rated! They are the bane of Norway's mineral exports!
Matt 8:50pm> You don't know what half those words mean!
Adam 8:53pm> Only because you were a horrible teacher! And a terrible girlfriend! I mean your not even female!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Over easy please.
Adam 9:59am> Sooo Matt. Dish about your date.
Matt 10:01am> Oh it was ever so much fun. We rode unicorns on a rainbow made of candy and then watched the sun set from the top of a mountain on the moon.
Adam 10:25am> *sigh* Reeeaallly? Oh she sounds oh so dreamy! She sounds just tops! Just Tops! Well... did you guys... you know...Kiss?
Matt 3:55pm> No, we were going to but she stole my wallet and most of my teeth and pushed me into an old well.
Adam 4:33pm> What!? Typical. Thats all women ever want! You show them a good time. And all they think about is sex and stealing your teeth. Just once, I would want her to take my hand and say, "You don't have to go balls deep."
Matt 9:41am> No! That is very wrong thing to wish for Adam. Going balls deep is a way of life. It's a privelege and never a responsibility. Just like voting or having all of your organs.
Adam 9:51am>NO Matt! thats just what they want you to think! You see the female dominated world or "Ovary Machine" wants you to think that! All they want is for men to go balls deep! They look at us as seed machines and think we suffer from "babymaker envy"!
Matt 10:48 am> You're right! I've been lied to by Big Ovary! Oh waht a fool I've been! I'll never go balls deep again!
Adam 11:37am> Well lets not say that. It should be your choice to go balls deep. And for someone you truly love.
Matt 1:47 pm> I love learning from you.
Adam 1:51pm> And I love teaching you.
Matt 10:01am> Oh it was ever so much fun. We rode unicorns on a rainbow made of candy and then watched the sun set from the top of a mountain on the moon.
Adam 10:25am> *sigh* Reeeaallly? Oh she sounds oh so dreamy! She sounds just tops! Just Tops! Well... did you guys... you know...Kiss?
Matt 3:55pm> No, we were going to but she stole my wallet and most of my teeth and pushed me into an old well.
Adam 4:33pm> What!? Typical. Thats all women ever want! You show them a good time. And all they think about is sex and stealing your teeth. Just once, I would want her to take my hand and say, "You don't have to go balls deep."
Matt 9:41am> No! That is very wrong thing to wish for Adam. Going balls deep is a way of life. It's a privelege and never a responsibility. Just like voting or having all of your organs.
Adam 9:51am>NO Matt! thats just what they want you to think! You see the female dominated world or "Ovary Machine" wants you to think that! All they want is for men to go balls deep! They look at us as seed machines and think we suffer from "babymaker envy"!
Matt 10:48 am> You're right! I've been lied to by Big Ovary! Oh waht a fool I've been! I'll never go balls deep again!
Adam 11:37am> Well lets not say that. It should be your choice to go balls deep. And for someone you truly love.
Matt 1:47 pm> I love learning from you.
Adam 1:51pm> And I love teaching you.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Creative problem solving
Adam 8:55am> Matt, I accidently erased our last blog text. I don't know what to do!
Matt 8:57am> PANIC! WHY AREN'T YOU PANICING? OH FUCK, FUCK YOU ADAM! YOU DID THIS!!!! WE ARE SO SCREWED!
Adam 9:01 am> Ah. Gotcha. So panic it is. OH MNY GOD! WE ARE GONNA LOSE OUR SEVEN FANS!! I CAN'T GO BACK TO HAVING TWO! MATT! FIXIT FIXIT FIX IT FIXIT FIXITFIXIT FIXIT FIXIT FIX IT!
Matt 9:04 am> NO! NO! THIS IS ON YOU ADAM! YOU RUINED MY LIFE WITH YOUR CARELESS ACTIONS! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS!
Adam 9:09am> DON'T PUT THIS ON ME! IF YOU WOULD STOP WHORING YOURSELF WE WOULD HAVE MORE FANS WHO STAY LOYAL!!
Matt 8:57am> PANIC! WHY AREN'T YOU PANICING? OH FUCK, FUCK YOU ADAM! YOU DID THIS!!!! WE ARE SO SCREWED!
Adam 9:01 am> Ah. Gotcha. So panic it is. OH MNY GOD! WE ARE GONNA LOSE OUR SEVEN FANS!! I CAN'T GO BACK TO HAVING TWO! MATT! FIXIT FIXIT FIX IT FIXIT FIXITFIXIT FIXIT FIXIT FIX IT!
Matt 9:04 am> NO! NO! THIS IS ON YOU ADAM! YOU RUINED MY LIFE WITH YOUR CARELESS ACTIONS! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS!
Adam 9:09am> DON'T PUT THIS ON ME! IF YOU WOULD STOP WHORING YOURSELF WE WOULD HAVE MORE FANS WHO STAY LOYAL!!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Cast out and Catch the Feeling!
Adam 9:37 am> Matt I have just recieved a new Nobel Prize! Its for progressing the field of Snuggleolmetry. Inform the women!
Matt 12:52 Am> I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I went out to inform the women, but accidentally informed thousands of angry hornets. The bad news is that there is no good news.
Adam 12:57 pm> DAMNIT MATT! You know the hornets and bees have been trying to master Snuggleolmetry! That very obsession is what caused their unholy yet unstable truce! Now I have to inform the cuttlefish that there wont be enough money to fund the Christman Party this year...
Matt 5:04 pm > Those cuttle fish are here to work, not party! If anoyone complains just strat dumping garbage into the ocean until they apologize for those terrible fourth quarter numbers!
Adam 5:11 pm> NO! Matt I'm telling you those cuttlefish are not going to put up with your crooked business practices. Not only are they starting a union, but they sacrificed a lot of their family and friends to help my research. They will rise to defeat you!
Matt 11:10 am> We both know those cuttle fish are malnourished and brittle-shelled, their insurrections will fail and I will feast on their deliscious remains!
Adam 11:58am> Ok we are not here to argue that they are not delicious. No one is making that claim. But what they lack in strength they make up in heart. That and they have pictures of you in a compromising position.
Matt 12:52 Am> I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I went out to inform the women, but accidentally informed thousands of angry hornets. The bad news is that there is no good news.
Adam 12:57 pm> DAMNIT MATT! You know the hornets and bees have been trying to master Snuggleolmetry! That very obsession is what caused their unholy yet unstable truce! Now I have to inform the cuttlefish that there wont be enough money to fund the Christman Party this year...
Matt 5:04 pm > Those cuttle fish are here to work, not party! If anoyone complains just strat dumping garbage into the ocean until they apologize for those terrible fourth quarter numbers!
Adam 5:11 pm> NO! Matt I'm telling you those cuttlefish are not going to put up with your crooked business practices. Not only are they starting a union, but they sacrificed a lot of their family and friends to help my research. They will rise to defeat you!
Matt 11:10 am> We both know those cuttle fish are malnourished and brittle-shelled, their insurrections will fail and I will feast on their deliscious remains!
Adam 11:58am> Ok we are not here to argue that they are not delicious. No one is making that claim. But what they lack in strength they make up in heart. That and they have pictures of you in a compromising position.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
I thought he was a turkey! I SWEAR TO GOD!
Adam 9:22 am> Matt I need more victuals for my trip
Matt 2:42 pm> Well then you need to go deep into the woods and capture some sort of forest creature that you might eat of its flesh during the long winter.
Adam 3:37pm> Ah! Good good. Now what about Libations?
Matt 4:22pm> Libations are tricky. As you well know, half of all liquid is deadly poison. You should give up drinking and instead hydrate through complex group dance numbers.
Matt 2:42 pm> Well then you need to go deep into the woods and capture some sort of forest creature that you might eat of its flesh during the long winter.
Adam 3:37pm> Ah! Good good. Now what about Libations?
Matt 4:22pm> Libations are tricky. As you well know, half of all liquid is deadly poison. You should give up drinking and instead hydrate through complex group dance numbers.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Matt and the History of Dance
Adam 3:11pm> Ok I need you to convince ladies to come to my place. Convince them using words and fists to describe my sexuality.
Matt 4:34pm> My words will be resolute and my fists uncompromising just like your sexuality.
Adam 5:04pm> Dont forget about my quiet intensity and violent passion.
Matt 5:09 pm> Oh I haven't. To demonstrate those qualities I will perform a dramitic reading from selections of Faust and then kill a man in cold blood. I think it'll be really special.
Adam 5:11pm> Nice! The Production values must be through the roof! Don't forget to weep forcefully and tastefully at the end.
Matt 5:16 pm> I will. I'll tear at my clothes and curse the gods for their cruelity. And at my lowest point I will rise up triumphantly and ascend into the sky where I will transform into a majestic golden Pegasus.
Adam 5:35 pm> I just shed a single tear. Never have I heard a more accurate portrait of my personality and soul. Matt your vision, must be shown. They will be mine by the end of the night! ... Or Yours... hmmm...
Matt 5:50pm> They'll want me certainly, but I will reject them. And that's when you swoop in like a mighty hawk to clean up the pieces of their shattered lives.
Matt 4:34pm> My words will be resolute and my fists uncompromising just like your sexuality.
Adam 5:04pm> Dont forget about my quiet intensity and violent passion.
Matt 5:09 pm> Oh I haven't. To demonstrate those qualities I will perform a dramitic reading from selections of Faust and then kill a man in cold blood. I think it'll be really special.
Adam 5:11pm> Nice! The Production values must be through the roof! Don't forget to weep forcefully and tastefully at the end.
Matt 5:16 pm> I will. I'll tear at my clothes and curse the gods for their cruelity. And at my lowest point I will rise up triumphantly and ascend into the sky where I will transform into a majestic golden Pegasus.
Adam 5:35 pm> I just shed a single tear. Never have I heard a more accurate portrait of my personality and soul. Matt your vision, must be shown. They will be mine by the end of the night! ... Or Yours... hmmm...
Matt 5:50pm> They'll want me certainly, but I will reject them. And that's when you swoop in like a mighty hawk to clean up the pieces of their shattered lives.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
With a fiery passion few experience in their lifetime.
Adam 10:18am> So for this radio show we are doing, Do you think our fertility and good looks will be communicated?
Matt 10:22am> I can onliy assume so. Onece people hear our warm melodious voices they'll know that the men with those voices are capable of making a whole bunch of babies. Then they'll want to make those babies with us, but we won't because we're saving ourselves.
Adam 10:28am> Oh of Course! Because the greatest gift we can give to a loved one is our virginity, and gold. Also, I can't afford to fight another paternity suit. I mean its not my fault coming in contact with my voice causes explosive pregnancy.
Matt 12:40pm> It's not your fault at all. That beautiful voice is god's gift to the world's ears, and whatever part it is that grows a baby. I don't really know how that all works.
Adam 8:37 pm> Its not my fault that people somehow physically touch the sound of my voice. If anything I should be a national media darling!
Matt 9:11 am> Adam you are a national media darling! Remember last week when you murdered all those hobos and the ran your picture on the news and I went on live TV and said you raped me?
Adam 9:14am> Ahh yes. That was wonderful. Especially when they later found that there was no evidence of rape and you admitted to fondling the dead hobos. By the way, when are we going to see the residuals for that lifetime movie about the incident?
Matt 9:17 am> I think our agent sandbagged us on that deal. That's what we get for hiring a filthy toddler and a dog to represent us. They were just so convincing.
Adam 9:53am> They were very convincing. I mean that power play they did? I was like, WHAT?!? And then Michael Clarke Duncan calling in the middle of our Meeting?!?! Double What!?!?
Matt 10:22am> I can onliy assume so. Onece people hear our warm melodious voices they'll know that the men with those voices are capable of making a whole bunch of babies. Then they'll want to make those babies with us, but we won't because we're saving ourselves.
Adam 10:28am> Oh of Course! Because the greatest gift we can give to a loved one is our virginity, and gold. Also, I can't afford to fight another paternity suit. I mean its not my fault coming in contact with my voice causes explosive pregnancy.
Matt 12:40pm> It's not your fault at all. That beautiful voice is god's gift to the world's ears, and whatever part it is that grows a baby. I don't really know how that all works.
Adam 8:37 pm> Its not my fault that people somehow physically touch the sound of my voice. If anything I should be a national media darling!
Matt 9:11 am> Adam you are a national media darling! Remember last week when you murdered all those hobos and the ran your picture on the news and I went on live TV and said you raped me?
Adam 9:14am> Ahh yes. That was wonderful. Especially when they later found that there was no evidence of rape and you admitted to fondling the dead hobos. By the way, when are we going to see the residuals for that lifetime movie about the incident?
Matt 9:17 am> I think our agent sandbagged us on that deal. That's what we get for hiring a filthy toddler and a dog to represent us. They were just so convincing.
Adam 9:53am> They were very convincing. I mean that power play they did? I was like, WHAT?!? And then Michael Clarke Duncan calling in the middle of our Meeting?!?! Double What!?!?
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Now With Even More Radio
Adam and I will be appearing on a radio show on KRUA (88.1) on Tuesday from 8:00pm to 10:00pm (that's Alaska time for our many international fans). Some guy named Peter will be there and actually hosting the show, but he is stupid and nobody cares what he has to say. So listen to our melodious voices and also call the show (786-6805) and tell Peter to stop talking so you can spend every possible second absorbing the wonder and majesty that is Matt and Adam. Then maybe cry a little on air, out of joy.
I Heard a Quote This One Time
Adam: "Basically what I'm saying is, I need to hang around naked men."
Matt: "I fucking hate the Ocean King."
Matt: "I fucking hate the Ocean King."
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Basis for every successful marriage: Roots for my tree
Matt 9:24 am> Adam I am so hung over.I blame you for this, why haven't you given me your healthy liver to replace this one I've ruined?
Adam 9:43am> Tk tk tk tk. Matt I told you. If I give you my liver you will never learn. Now what kind of friend would I be if I just handed out my liver?
Matt 10:33 am> You would be the kind of friend I want. Right now you're the kind of friend I tolerate because oh my crippling lonliness.
Adam 10:49 am> Look we talked about this Matt. You are only still around as my Herald. The fact that I cry on your shoulder after a devastating break up is just necessity. And the fact that you stroke my hair is appreciated.
Matt 2:26 pm> I stroke your hair because it's so soft, not because I care about your girlish feelings.
Adam 3:13 pm> Well of course! Your recommondation for that shampoo really paired well for my hair type.
Adam 9:43am> Tk tk tk tk. Matt I told you. If I give you my liver you will never learn. Now what kind of friend would I be if I just handed out my liver?
Matt 10:33 am> You would be the kind of friend I want. Right now you're the kind of friend I tolerate because oh my crippling lonliness.
Adam 10:49 am> Look we talked about this Matt. You are only still around as my Herald. The fact that I cry on your shoulder after a devastating break up is just necessity. And the fact that you stroke my hair is appreciated.
Matt 2:26 pm> I stroke your hair because it's so soft, not because I care about your girlish feelings.
Adam 3:13 pm> Well of course! Your recommondation for that shampoo really paired well for my hair type.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
... There is nothing about unicorns in this entry...
Adam 9:11am> So it seems it is a go for a web comic. Finally we can quit our jobs and live like famous web comic writers do!
Matt 9:17am> Oh thank god. I was starrting to think I'd have to hold down a job for more than 6 months
Adam 9:21am> I know, right? Now when we have a more visual media people can see how hilarious, handsome, and fertile we are! Gonna be making handsome babies in no time.
Matt 9:23am> Hell yeah! Babies everywhere! And then we'll settle into nice quiet lives of responsibility.
Adam 9:24am> Yup! I can picture it all now...
Adam 9:25am> *star wipe to fancy dream sequence*
Matt 9:27 am> That dream was unnecessarily graphic and racist.
Adam 9:33 am> Hmmm I know... Maybe we should rethink this webcomic. Oh and what was X-games and Olympic gold medalist winner Shaun White doing to those Special Ed Little People? Why did we dream him doing those things?!?
Matt 10:32am He was teaching them the value of friendship, and that minorities are dangerous. That second part is probably your fault.
Adam 10:36am> Wait, how does "that" teach friendship? I can see how it teaches to fear minorities but friendship?
Matt 11:36 am> The two lessons were unrelated.
Adam 11:42 am> I see... So then you dancing with the giant match head represented...
Matt 12:07 pm> That reppresents modern society's impossible sttandard of beauty and also that I'm an amazing dancer. There's comunism in there somewhere too.
Adam 1:47 pm> Wow. I'm glad that we had money in the budget for that amazing choreographed and high def special effects in that dream.
Matt 9:17am> Oh thank god. I was starrting to think I'd have to hold down a job for more than 6 months
Adam 9:21am> I know, right? Now when we have a more visual media people can see how hilarious, handsome, and fertile we are! Gonna be making handsome babies in no time.
Matt 9:23am> Hell yeah! Babies everywhere! And then we'll settle into nice quiet lives of responsibility.
Adam 9:24am> Yup! I can picture it all now...
Adam 9:25am> *star wipe to fancy dream sequence*
Matt 9:27 am> That dream was unnecessarily graphic and racist.
Adam 9:33 am> Hmmm I know... Maybe we should rethink this webcomic. Oh and what was X-games and Olympic gold medalist winner Shaun White doing to those Special Ed Little People? Why did we dream him doing those things?!?
Matt 10:32am He was teaching them the value of friendship, and that minorities are dangerous. That second part is probably your fault.
Adam 10:36am> Wait, how does "that" teach friendship? I can see how it teaches to fear minorities but friendship?
Matt 11:36 am> The two lessons were unrelated.
Adam 11:42 am> I see... So then you dancing with the giant match head represented...
Matt 12:07 pm> That reppresents modern society's impossible sttandard of beauty and also that I'm an amazing dancer. There's comunism in there somewhere too.
Adam 1:47 pm> Wow. I'm glad that we had money in the budget for that amazing choreographed and high def special effects in that dream.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
Matt (4:06pm) I think you should just paint over it.
Adam (4:08pm) Wait… What?
Matt (4:15pm) If you get a nice burgandy it’ll cover it no problem. Get the kind that’s like mixed with primer, that’s the good stuff
Adam (4:17pm) What are you talking about.
Matt (4:19pm) I actually think I have some old stuff in my garage if you want to try it out. It might be a little darker than what you’re looking for though.
Adam (4:24pm) GODDAMNIT MATT!
Matt (4:27pm) We’ve got a bunch of rollers and stuff too if you need to borrow it. Plus my dog can fly, so it shouldn’t be a problem.
Adam (4:30pm) NO! YOUR DOG IS AN ASSHOLE HE DOES NOT GET TO PAINT ANYTHING!!
Matt (4:31pm) YOU TAKE THAT BACK MY DOG IS A HERO!!
Adam (5:05pm) NO YOUR DOG MURDERED INNOCENT MEN JUST TO SAVE ONE BOY!
Matt (8:01pm) THOSE MEN WERE HITLER!
Adam (10:07pm) No! They were good men! So what if they dressed up like him and are cloned from him!
Adam (4:08pm) Wait… What?
Matt (4:15pm) If you get a nice burgandy it’ll cover it no problem. Get the kind that’s like mixed with primer, that’s the good stuff
Adam (4:17pm) What are you talking about.
Matt (4:19pm) I actually think I have some old stuff in my garage if you want to try it out. It might be a little darker than what you’re looking for though.
Adam (4:24pm) GODDAMNIT MATT!
Matt (4:27pm) We’ve got a bunch of rollers and stuff too if you need to borrow it. Plus my dog can fly, so it shouldn’t be a problem.
Adam (4:30pm) NO! YOUR DOG IS AN ASSHOLE HE DOES NOT GET TO PAINT ANYTHING!!
Matt (4:31pm) YOU TAKE THAT BACK MY DOG IS A HERO!!
Adam (5:05pm) NO YOUR DOG MURDERED INNOCENT MEN JUST TO SAVE ONE BOY!
Matt (8:01pm) THOSE MEN WERE HITLER!
Adam (10:07pm) No! They were good men! So what if they dressed up like him and are cloned from him!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Random quote time!!
Matt "I make it a point to never know anybody named Lu"
Adam "Then I'll offer them food and after they take it slap it out of their hands and repeat. And ask if they would stroke my hair and tell me its going to be alright."
Matt "Yes. And if they come near me start telling them uncomfortabe fictional stories about your childhood."
Adam "Then I'll offer them food and after they take it slap it out of their hands and repeat. And ask if they would stroke my hair and tell me its going to be alright."
Matt "Yes. And if they come near me start telling them uncomfortabe fictional stories about your childhood."
Friday, August 6, 2010
Now nominated for a daytime Emmy for most dramatic text message.
Adam 10:24am> Matt we need to talk about your recent...Shall we say, "endevors".
Matt 10:27am> Don't be such a square Adam. Everyone experiments in canabalism as some point.
Adam 10:31am> Oh I'm not scolding you. I'm actually telling you I'm nominating you for a humanitarian award. And that I'm not mad, just disappointed...
Matt 11:28am> Why are you mad? I am winning that award afterall, you should be proud of me.
Adam 11:31am> I told you. I'm not mad. Just Disappointed. If you were doing it right you should be up for another nobel peace prize. Its my fault really. I should have done right by you...
Matt 11:33am> Oh Yeah? Well you should be up for the Nobel Prize in NOT BEING MY REAL DAD!!!!!!!!!!!
Adam 11:37am> ...I try ... I'm sorry you Dad walked out on your mom. And I'm sorry he left before he could teach you how to eat people in a peaceful and Humane way ... I try...
Matt 10:27am> Don't be such a square Adam. Everyone experiments in canabalism as some point.
Adam 10:31am> Oh I'm not scolding you. I'm actually telling you I'm nominating you for a humanitarian award. And that I'm not mad, just disappointed...
Matt 11:28am> Why are you mad? I am winning that award afterall, you should be proud of me.
Adam 11:31am> I told you. I'm not mad. Just Disappointed. If you were doing it right you should be up for another nobel peace prize. Its my fault really. I should have done right by you...
Matt 11:33am> Oh Yeah? Well you should be up for the Nobel Prize in NOT BEING MY REAL DAD!!!!!!!!!!!
Adam 11:37am> ...I try ... I'm sorry you Dad walked out on your mom. And I'm sorry he left before he could teach you how to eat people in a peaceful and Humane way ... I try...
Thursday, July 29, 2010
I Hear It's Nice This Time of Year
Adam (8:29am) Dude! We have 5 people following our blog!
Matt (8:31am) Holy shit! That’s basically like having friends right? I need to call my mom!
Adam (8:37am) I know right? Doesn’t that technically mean I’m married to one of them and the other four are my kids?
Matt (8:39am) Almost. Polygamy is mandatory on the internet, so technically you are married to 3 of them, and then one is your child and one is your mistress/butler. And then there’s a 6th invisible one that’s actually just wind but you have that brain disorder so you think it’s a person.
Adam (8:50am) Polygamy, eh? That means I can have my wife cook, my husband fix the car, and I can sit and have a beer and a lemonade. See I’m a well traveled and diversified man.
Adam (8:52am) AND THE SIXTH PERSON IS REAL!! HE’S TOUCHING ME VERY APPROPRIATELY!
Matt (9:08am) Adam we talked about this. When the wind molests you just cry and then never tell anyone ever. That’s how adults handle things. And as a well traveled man of the world, you need to behave like an adult.
Adam (9:10am) Now is it molestation if its consentual?
Matt (9:13am) Then it’s double molestation. You’re both molesting eachother at the same time.
Adam (9:16am) See that’s what I thought. I might be in trouble. Do you know a good molestation lawyer? Cause the wind police came by asking a lot of weird questions. Like did I touch this and that and whats my relationship with you and our followers…
Matt (9:25am) Did you molest the police to keep them quiet? I can’t go to wind jail Adam, there’s just so much wind there. I don’t even have a jacket, I’ll have to cut open one of our followers and sleep inside them like a Tauntaun. And then I’ll be like “I thought they smelled bad on the outside!” and then we’ll laugh and laugh and laugh.
Adam (9:31am) No I didn’t. There wasn’t an opportunity to molest them. But I did tell them that you don’t like them. And I don’t like them either. And they better watch themselves, we are wanted men. We have the death sentence on 12 systems…. That probably wasn’t a good idea. Well there are five fans to cut up like tauntauns which we can make a mini house in wind jail.
Matt (9:40am) But if we murder all our followers to make a house in wind jail then who will listen to us be hilarious and heap praise on us?
Adam (9:49am) Damnit…. Shelter or people praising our good looks and hilarity… So our ounly option is to molest our fans and have them molest others. Then the wind police will have to deal with the vast outbreak of wind people AND regular people getting molested! Wait… but then they will peobably form a joint effort with the regular police…
Matt (11:47am) ADAM YOU’RE HYSTERICAL!!! YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN! THE POLICE WILL NEVER CATCH US IF WE DIG DEEP ENOUGH INTO THE EARTH!
Adam (12:15pm) YES! BRILLIANT! Wait… How do I know that you’re not gonna bury me after I get in the whole… Unless you are working with the dirt men! You bastard…
Matt (12:33pm) Ok, i WAS planning to bury you to throw the wind police off the trail, but now I promise I won’t. I won’t shovel pound after pound of dirt onto your head until it drowns out your incessent, annoying voice, and then dance on top of your impromptu grave until I collapse from too much joy. I won’t that. Don’t even worry about it. Just start digging.
Adam (12:35pm) Sounds good partner… I’ll just start digging… ignore the whistling sound that’s coming. Cause I didn’t summon the wind police… Nope I did not…
Matt (12:40pm) You traitor! You did summon the wind police! It is now unpleasantly breezy here. I swear if I end up in wind jail I will drown you in an ocean of dirt.
Adam (12:50pm) Ha! I gotcha! Now I will have all the followers! They’ll love me then realize that its not really funny without both of us then lose everything! Hahahhaha!
Matt (12:53pm) That’s how our friendship always ends, murder and disappointment.
Adam (12:58pm) Yes. This is how it ends… Well we should hug it out… Then kill all the wind police and people. And blame it on our fans.
Matt (1:17pm) And then we can move to Mexico and start a new blog!
Adam (2:00pm)YES! MEXICO!! *HEROIC POSE*
Matt (8:31am) Holy shit! That’s basically like having friends right? I need to call my mom!
Adam (8:37am) I know right? Doesn’t that technically mean I’m married to one of them and the other four are my kids?
Matt (8:39am) Almost. Polygamy is mandatory on the internet, so technically you are married to 3 of them, and then one is your child and one is your mistress/butler. And then there’s a 6th invisible one that’s actually just wind but you have that brain disorder so you think it’s a person.
Adam (8:50am) Polygamy, eh? That means I can have my wife cook, my husband fix the car, and I can sit and have a beer and a lemonade. See I’m a well traveled and diversified man.
Adam (8:52am) AND THE SIXTH PERSON IS REAL!! HE’S TOUCHING ME VERY APPROPRIATELY!
Matt (9:08am) Adam we talked about this. When the wind molests you just cry and then never tell anyone ever. That’s how adults handle things. And as a well traveled man of the world, you need to behave like an adult.
Adam (9:10am) Now is it molestation if its consentual?
Matt (9:13am) Then it’s double molestation. You’re both molesting eachother at the same time.
Adam (9:16am) See that’s what I thought. I might be in trouble. Do you know a good molestation lawyer? Cause the wind police came by asking a lot of weird questions. Like did I touch this and that and whats my relationship with you and our followers…
Matt (9:25am) Did you molest the police to keep them quiet? I can’t go to wind jail Adam, there’s just so much wind there. I don’t even have a jacket, I’ll have to cut open one of our followers and sleep inside them like a Tauntaun. And then I’ll be like “I thought they smelled bad on the outside!” and then we’ll laugh and laugh and laugh.
Adam (9:31am) No I didn’t. There wasn’t an opportunity to molest them. But I did tell them that you don’t like them. And I don’t like them either. And they better watch themselves, we are wanted men. We have the death sentence on 12 systems…. That probably wasn’t a good idea. Well there are five fans to cut up like tauntauns which we can make a mini house in wind jail.
Matt (9:40am) But if we murder all our followers to make a house in wind jail then who will listen to us be hilarious and heap praise on us?
Adam (9:49am) Damnit…. Shelter or people praising our good looks and hilarity… So our ounly option is to molest our fans and have them molest others. Then the wind police will have to deal with the vast outbreak of wind people AND regular people getting molested! Wait… but then they will peobably form a joint effort with the regular police…
Matt (11:47am) ADAM YOU’RE HYSTERICAL!!! YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN! THE POLICE WILL NEVER CATCH US IF WE DIG DEEP ENOUGH INTO THE EARTH!
Adam (12:15pm) YES! BRILLIANT! Wait… How do I know that you’re not gonna bury me after I get in the whole… Unless you are working with the dirt men! You bastard…
Matt (12:33pm) Ok, i WAS planning to bury you to throw the wind police off the trail, but now I promise I won’t. I won’t shovel pound after pound of dirt onto your head until it drowns out your incessent, annoying voice, and then dance on top of your impromptu grave until I collapse from too much joy. I won’t that. Don’t even worry about it. Just start digging.
Adam (12:35pm) Sounds good partner… I’ll just start digging… ignore the whistling sound that’s coming. Cause I didn’t summon the wind police… Nope I did not…
Matt (12:40pm) You traitor! You did summon the wind police! It is now unpleasantly breezy here. I swear if I end up in wind jail I will drown you in an ocean of dirt.
Adam (12:50pm) Ha! I gotcha! Now I will have all the followers! They’ll love me then realize that its not really funny without both of us then lose everything! Hahahhaha!
Matt (12:53pm) That’s how our friendship always ends, murder and disappointment.
Adam (12:58pm) Yes. This is how it ends… Well we should hug it out… Then kill all the wind police and people. And blame it on our fans.
Matt (1:17pm) And then we can move to Mexico and start a new blog!
Adam (2:00pm)YES! MEXICO!! *HEROIC POSE*
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Just Like in the Bible
Adam (3:22pm) Dude, so I already decided on a character I want to make if we play Call of cthulu.
Matt (3:23pm) What kind?
Adam (3:24pm) He’s going to be an ex-prize fighter who got caught trying to take a dive in a fight. So he gets stripped of his belt and becomes a homeless drunk. Just like real life.
Matt (3:25pm) I want to play a crazy person, is that possible?
Adam (3:31pm) Yup there is a whole list of actual psychological disorders you can take.
Matt (3:25pm) Badass!
Adam (3:33pm) It’s a little different cause there arent classes.
Matt (3:23pm) Not everyone is a snob like you. There weren’t really classes in M&M were there?
Adam (3:36pm) Hmmm no not really. But class systems are what make society Matt!
Matt (4:01pm) That is so offensive, people like you climb thhe backs of the poor to reach your golden scepters of loneliness. You’ll get what’s coming to you when all cats turn to fire and the worldmouth sings the seventh song of power.
Adam (5:35pm) Oh you peasants and you’re made up religion. We all know that the Gods love only the upper class and not the cow fodder. That’s you. Cow fodder.
Matt (3:23pm) What kind?
Adam (3:24pm) He’s going to be an ex-prize fighter who got caught trying to take a dive in a fight. So he gets stripped of his belt and becomes a homeless drunk. Just like real life.
Matt (3:25pm) I want to play a crazy person, is that possible?
Adam (3:31pm) Yup there is a whole list of actual psychological disorders you can take.
Matt (3:25pm) Badass!
Adam (3:33pm) It’s a little different cause there arent classes.
Matt (3:23pm) Not everyone is a snob like you. There weren’t really classes in M&M were there?
Adam (3:36pm) Hmmm no not really. But class systems are what make society Matt!
Matt (4:01pm) That is so offensive, people like you climb thhe backs of the poor to reach your golden scepters of loneliness. You’ll get what’s coming to you when all cats turn to fire and the worldmouth sings the seventh song of power.
Adam (5:35pm) Oh you peasants and you’re made up religion. We all know that the Gods love only the upper class and not the cow fodder. That’s you. Cow fodder.
Monday, July 26, 2010
My life as a teenage ghost: A rope of sand
Matt 2:33 pm> Adam I am only going to say this one more time. I am not a ghost, stop trying to capture me in a shoebox that you wrote "ghost Trap" on the side of.
Adam 2:42pm> Oh... Woops sorry about that... WAIT A MINUTE!! This is one of your ghost tricks! Haha. Very funny ghost. NOW GET IN THAT BOX!
Matt 2:44 pm> Damn it, so close! Ok listen, I am a ghost, but if you promise not to imprison me I'll give you all of my ghost gold. And as you well know, one ghost gold is worth three regular golds.
Adam 2:54 pm> Ooo that does sound like a good idea. I'll just take...WAIT A MINUTE! Ghost! We all know the US has an embargo with ghostland! And i can only sell the gold on the black market! AND ghost gold is too hot to fence. Now ghost what would you momma think about selling her gold?
Matt 5:20 pm> My momma love selling ghost gold! Thatt's why she wrote that book "I love selling ghost gold all the time, even at night"
Adam 5:37 pm> Wait... Your mother is THE Ghost Lady Au? Ok now I really must get you into this box so I can hold you for ransom. THen the scientific community will finally respect me and ask me to make out with them!
(Next Day)
Adam 8:27 am> GHOST YOU WILL GET INTO THIS SHOEBOX!
Matt 8:28am> NO! I HATE THE SHOEBOX! IT SMELLS LIKE SHOES AND ALSO OPRESSION!
Adam 8:33am >Oh I'm sorry ghost. Here have some candy. Whoops dropped it in This shoebox...
Matt 10:05am> Hmmm, something about this seems fishy. But I do love candy, and that box looks pretty comfortable... WAIT A MINUTE! YOU'RE TRYING TO TRICK ME INTO EATING POISON CANDY AREN'T YOU?
Adam 10:08 am>Poison candy?!? Why I am so hurt by your wild claims ghost, I'm going to eat all the candy myself... Mmmmm it sure is good candy that is in this box that DOESN'T say ghost trap. So good I think this box makes it taste even better.
Adam 2:42pm> Oh... Woops sorry about that... WAIT A MINUTE!! This is one of your ghost tricks! Haha. Very funny ghost. NOW GET IN THAT BOX!
Matt 2:44 pm> Damn it, so close! Ok listen, I am a ghost, but if you promise not to imprison me I'll give you all of my ghost gold. And as you well know, one ghost gold is worth three regular golds.
Adam 2:54 pm> Ooo that does sound like a good idea. I'll just take...WAIT A MINUTE! Ghost! We all know the US has an embargo with ghostland! And i can only sell the gold on the black market! AND ghost gold is too hot to fence. Now ghost what would you momma think about selling her gold?
Matt 5:20 pm> My momma love selling ghost gold! Thatt's why she wrote that book "I love selling ghost gold all the time, even at night"
Adam 5:37 pm> Wait... Your mother is THE Ghost Lady Au? Ok now I really must get you into this box so I can hold you for ransom. THen the scientific community will finally respect me and ask me to make out with them!
(Next Day)
Adam 8:27 am> GHOST YOU WILL GET INTO THIS SHOEBOX!
Matt 8:28am> NO! I HATE THE SHOEBOX! IT SMELLS LIKE SHOES AND ALSO OPRESSION!
Adam 8:33am >Oh I'm sorry ghost. Here have some candy. Whoops dropped it in This shoebox...
Matt 10:05am> Hmmm, something about this seems fishy. But I do love candy, and that box looks pretty comfortable... WAIT A MINUTE! YOU'RE TRYING TO TRICK ME INTO EATING POISON CANDY AREN'T YOU?
Adam 10:08 am>Poison candy?!? Why I am so hurt by your wild claims ghost, I'm going to eat all the candy myself... Mmmmm it sure is good candy that is in this box that DOESN'T say ghost trap. So good I think this box makes it taste even better.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Something new has been added!
So for all our overzealous fans that have been sending us pieces of their ears and other appendages in an attempt to produce more blogs. Matt and I have decided to share little tidbits from our hilarious phone conversations. So he you go you bloodsucking leeches whom we love with all our hearts!
Matt: "I'm very Huggable. I ask for hugs all the time, and cry constantly."
Adam:"Matt said you love penises."
Note: All tidbits will be taken out of context. Enjoy!
Matt: "I'm very Huggable. I ask for hugs all the time, and cry constantly."
Adam:"Matt said you love penises."
Note: All tidbits will be taken out of context. Enjoy!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Adam: The Fashionista
Matt 9:28am> Adam we need to talk about Friday. Your beehavior was unacceptable.
Adam 9:33am> Unnacceptable? Did you not see my cufflinks and bolo tie?
Matt 9:36am> I did see that and it was very good. Your fashion sense was impeccable as always. I'm talking about the drunkeness and some of the nudity.
Adam 9:40am> Well if you were up to date with current fashion. You would know that wearing just a bolo tie and cufflinks is the thing to do now. Also when I made out with the cat it was because she asked me.
Matt 9:43am> She was drunk and you should know better. There's a word for what you did, and that word is irresponsable
Adam 9:45am> That cat makes me feel pretty! And she also invited me to the opera this weekend. When was the last time you took me somewhere nice?
Matt 9:47am> I took you to Applebees last month! And now we're banned from Applebees because you threw up in the kitchen 8 seperate times. I don't even know why you kept going back there.
Adam 9:59am> I went back there because the server was HOT! And she kept offering me refills! Do you know what thats like to finally get the attention I deserve? She even asked me if she could get me anything else! I never felt so loved!
Matt 10:54 am> That is like a fairtale romance, who am I to stand in the way of love? I still think the vomiting was a mistake though, most women aren't impressed as you seem to think they should be.
Adam 10:58am> What do you know! You have no idea the love that...Sharon? No... Madeline? No... No idea that the love waitress girl and I have is eternal! We're running away together and you can't stop us!
Matt 2:17 pm> I will stop you with yelling! STOP RUINING YOUR LIFE WITH WAITRESS GIRL! SHE ONLY WANT YOU FOR YOUR MONEY AND ALSO CAUSE SHE LOVES YOU! THAT'S NO KIND OF LIFE!
Adam 2:23pm> Oh my god... YOu are so right! She only wants me cause she loves me! Thats no basis to start a relationship! *sigh* Now I regret knocking her out and sticking her in my trunk. Do you think I can get that annulled?
Matt 2:26pm> No, thats for life dude. You're gonna have to live there in the trunk together and raise a whole trunk family, and then when you're old you can retire to another part of the trunk. After you all die I'll push the car into the river.
Adam 2:31pm> Oh man... I'm starting to freak out! I'm not ready for trunk life! What if I want to sit in the front seat? What if I want to stash another girl in a different trunk!!?!? Matt what am I gonna do!!!
Matt 4:41pm> Run south, just keep running man. You can't ever stop.
Adam 9:33am> Unnacceptable? Did you not see my cufflinks and bolo tie?
Matt 9:36am> I did see that and it was very good. Your fashion sense was impeccable as always. I'm talking about the drunkeness and some of the nudity.
Adam 9:40am> Well if you were up to date with current fashion. You would know that wearing just a bolo tie and cufflinks is the thing to do now. Also when I made out with the cat it was because she asked me.
Matt 9:43am> She was drunk and you should know better. There's a word for what you did, and that word is irresponsable
Adam 9:45am> That cat makes me feel pretty! And she also invited me to the opera this weekend. When was the last time you took me somewhere nice?
Matt 9:47am> I took you to Applebees last month! And now we're banned from Applebees because you threw up in the kitchen 8 seperate times. I don't even know why you kept going back there.
Adam 9:59am> I went back there because the server was HOT! And she kept offering me refills! Do you know what thats like to finally get the attention I deserve? She even asked me if she could get me anything else! I never felt so loved!
Matt 10:54 am> That is like a fairtale romance, who am I to stand in the way of love? I still think the vomiting was a mistake though, most women aren't impressed as you seem to think they should be.
Adam 10:58am> What do you know! You have no idea the love that...Sharon? No... Madeline? No... No idea that the love waitress girl and I have is eternal! We're running away together and you can't stop us!
Matt 2:17 pm> I will stop you with yelling! STOP RUINING YOUR LIFE WITH WAITRESS GIRL! SHE ONLY WANT YOU FOR YOUR MONEY AND ALSO CAUSE SHE LOVES YOU! THAT'S NO KIND OF LIFE!
Adam 2:23pm> Oh my god... YOu are so right! She only wants me cause she loves me! Thats no basis to start a relationship! *sigh* Now I regret knocking her out and sticking her in my trunk. Do you think I can get that annulled?
Matt 2:26pm> No, thats for life dude. You're gonna have to live there in the trunk together and raise a whole trunk family, and then when you're old you can retire to another part of the trunk. After you all die I'll push the car into the river.
Adam 2:31pm> Oh man... I'm starting to freak out! I'm not ready for trunk life! What if I want to sit in the front seat? What if I want to stash another girl in a different trunk!!?!? Matt what am I gonna do!!!
Matt 4:41pm> Run south, just keep running man. You can't ever stop.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
YAY! Lando's back!
Adam 11:42am> Lando Calrissian is back in town.
Matt 11:42 am> I've heard that. Did you run into him?
Adam 11:44am> Yeah he's working at mining facility on Bespin.
Matt 11:44 am>Crazy. Did you hug tenderly
Adam 11:45> No. We kissed Tenderly
Matt 11:46> Oh. Well that's just wierd. Kinda gay actually. Just a little bit though.
Adam 11:47> Yeah I thought so too. But he kissed like a lady, So I pretendes he was a large lady, also named Lando and looked like him.
Note: The person we are talking about is not in fact Lando Calrissian nor is the place he is working Bespin. We are refering to an old friend of ours who we are not sure if he would want his name posted on our blog. Though knowing Lando would be pretty cool.
Second Note: That first note above is not true. We know the real Lando Calrissian because we are super awesome dudes. -Matt
Third Note: Oh right I forgot, Its just that we know so many people I forget about some of them. One of the curses of being Super awesome amazing dudes.-Adam
Matt 11:42 am> I've heard that. Did you run into him?
Adam 11:44am> Yeah he's working at mining facility on Bespin.
Matt 11:44 am>Crazy. Did you hug tenderly
Adam 11:45> No. We kissed Tenderly
Matt 11:46> Oh. Well that's just wierd. Kinda gay actually. Just a little bit though.
Adam 11:47> Yeah I thought so too. But he kissed like a lady, So I pretendes he was a large lady, also named Lando and looked like him.
Note: The person we are talking about is not in fact Lando Calrissian nor is the place he is working Bespin. We are refering to an old friend of ours who we are not sure if he would want his name posted on our blog. Though knowing Lando would be pretty cool.
Second Note: That first note above is not true. We know the real Lando Calrissian because we are super awesome dudes. -Matt
Third Note: Oh right I forgot, Its just that we know so many people I forget about some of them. One of the curses of being Super awesome amazing dudes.-Adam
Friday, July 2, 2010
To our wonderful fans
June 29
Adam 8:43am> Matt, apparently our fans demand more attention. I don't know what to do! all they want is a big ol' piece!
Matt 8:44am> They take and take and take. It sickens me. If only they knew how much we looked down on them, and say bad thing about their hair. Then the would be sorry!!
Adam 8:49 am> I KNOW, RIGHT?!? They're all like, "Dance puppet, dance!", which I do because I'm a phenomenal dancer. Jitterbuggin, Some east coast swing, a little lindyhop, and finish with some West Coast Krumping. But their terrible hair does beckme a distraction.
Adam 8:50am> I mean become.
Matt 8:59am > You mean "be dumb" because that's what you want everyone else to do so you don't feel so bad about being in that chair.
Adam 9:05am> You low rent hooker... Jealousy is the name of the drug you are partaking right now! All because this chair finally makes me taller than you. Before I was more handsome than you. Now that I'm taller AND better looking you have to say hurtful things... shame...
Matt 10:45> I know that's just the chair talking and you don't really mean those hurtful things, but I am still going to hold a grudge over them forever. From now until the day you die I will spend every second hating you. After you die I will only spend some seconds hating you, freeing up time for my many hobbies.
Adam 10:57> Good! For every second that you hate me only makes me stronger, taller AND more handsome. By all that I mean sad, depressed, and still more handsome. But in a deep sensitive way. You know the kind of guy that would hold you, and gently cry in your hair.
Matt 8:43am> I know what you mean. Not that you're gay or anything, but you jus want to bury you heead in his chest and just like live there forever.
Adam 8:47> EXACTLY! And to make things better a gentle kiss on the forehead for comfort. And then as you stare into his eyes you feel safe for the first time in years.
Adam 8:43am> Matt, apparently our fans demand more attention. I don't know what to do! all they want is a big ol' piece!
Matt 8:44am> They take and take and take. It sickens me. If only they knew how much we looked down on them, and say bad thing about their hair. Then the would be sorry!!
Adam 8:49 am> I KNOW, RIGHT?!? They're all like, "Dance puppet, dance!", which I do because I'm a phenomenal dancer. Jitterbuggin, Some east coast swing, a little lindyhop, and finish with some West Coast Krumping. But their terrible hair does beckme a distraction.
Adam 8:50am> I mean become.
Matt 8:59am > You mean "be dumb" because that's what you want everyone else to do so you don't feel so bad about being in that chair.
Adam 9:05am> You low rent hooker... Jealousy is the name of the drug you are partaking right now! All because this chair finally makes me taller than you. Before I was more handsome than you. Now that I'm taller AND better looking you have to say hurtful things... shame...
Matt 10:45> I know that's just the chair talking and you don't really mean those hurtful things, but I am still going to hold a grudge over them forever. From now until the day you die I will spend every second hating you. After you die I will only spend some seconds hating you, freeing up time for my many hobbies.
Adam 10:57> Good! For every second that you hate me only makes me stronger, taller AND more handsome. By all that I mean sad, depressed, and still more handsome. But in a deep sensitive way. You know the kind of guy that would hold you, and gently cry in your hair.
Matt 8:43am> I know what you mean. Not that you're gay or anything, but you jus want to bury you heead in his chest and just like live there forever.
Adam 8:47> EXACTLY! And to make things better a gentle kiss on the forehead for comfort. And then as you stare into his eyes you feel safe for the first time in years.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The second coming of SEX GALACTUS
June 8th 2010
Matt 8:46am> We should definately post this one
Adam 8:52am> This one that you just started?
Matt 8:53am> Yes.
Adam 8:54am> No... I feel that this one will be below standards based on the fact that you started it
Matt 8:57am> You're mouth is below standards of all the men you kiss, but they still do it!
Adam 9:01am> Well the sex Galactus doesnt just go after women. Neither does my Herald. do you tell them that I'm below standard
Adam 9:01am> ...after you make out with them
Matt 9:03am> Of course I did. I warned them that you were coming to ruin their whole lives with your terrible sex, but it never helps. Who can stand before the power of Sex Galactus.
Adam 9:08 am> No one really. I'm surprised that they dont believe you. Maybe because you blow their minds with sex that they cant think straight. They're all like "I'm so satisfied I've become retarded!" But then you correct them by saying "retarded is a no no word."
Matt 10:22am> Their language is so offensive. Sometimes I think we're the onl two people left in the world who care one lick about proper manners and forthright behavior
Adam 11:03 am> Agreed dear friend! not only is their language off putting, But their wild acts of heonism and loveless sex are outright offensive! At least we provide a service. You having sex to educate politcal correctness and forwarning. And me showing the awful true nature of terrible sex!
Matt 1:10pm> Quite so!
Adam 2:13pm> Well Mister Morse, we must continue! Go forth my Herald! TELL THEM OF MY COMING!! WARN THE WHITE RACE THAT THEY SHALL BE BRED FROM EXISTANCE!!
Matt 8:46am> We should definately post this one
Adam 8:52am> This one that you just started?
Matt 8:53am> Yes.
Adam 8:54am> No... I feel that this one will be below standards based on the fact that you started it
Matt 8:57am> You're mouth is below standards of all the men you kiss, but they still do it!
Adam 9:01am> Well the sex Galactus doesnt just go after women. Neither does my Herald. do you tell them that I'm below standard
Adam 9:01am> ...after you make out with them
Matt 9:03am> Of course I did. I warned them that you were coming to ruin their whole lives with your terrible sex, but it never helps. Who can stand before the power of Sex Galactus.
Adam 9:08 am> No one really. I'm surprised that they dont believe you. Maybe because you blow their minds with sex that they cant think straight. They're all like "I'm so satisfied I've become retarded!" But then you correct them by saying "retarded is a no no word."
Matt 10:22am> Their language is so offensive. Sometimes I think we're the onl two people left in the world who care one lick about proper manners and forthright behavior
Adam 11:03 am> Agreed dear friend! not only is their language off putting, But their wild acts of heonism and loveless sex are outright offensive! At least we provide a service. You having sex to educate politcal correctness and forwarning. And me showing the awful true nature of terrible sex!
Matt 1:10pm> Quite so!
Adam 2:13pm> Well Mister Morse, we must continue! Go forth my Herald! TELL THEM OF MY COMING!! WARN THE WHITE RACE THAT THEY SHALL BE BRED FROM EXISTANCE!!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
And They Never Fought Again
Matt (11:27am) – Adam sometimes I feel like you don’t spend enough time talking about me to other people.
Adam (11:29am) – WHAT!?! I tell everyone about you!! Where is this coming from? Am I not giving you enough attention?
Matt (12:57pm) – Sometimes I follow you around and eavesdrop on all of your conversations and it hurts my feelings when you talk about things other than how great I am.
Adam (1:25pm) Damnit Matt! It’s hard enough being a trend setter of the go-go nineties AND the last survivor of the great alaska australia war with a surviving mohawk it’s hard to tell everyone of your exploits.
(Matt (3:10pm) – No! You tell everyone all the time! Even in your sleep you tell dream people about me! You say “have you heard about Matt and how great he is?” and if they say no you threaten them with a knife!
Adam (3:26pm) – Hmmm, that is very convincing. But dream people are known racists. They openly said that the colored races must be expunged from all reality!
Matt (3:27pm) – They’re just trying to compensate for you eliminating the white race. It’ll probably balance out.
Adam (3:30pm) Hmmm that is also true. Oooo what if I wear that little black number. That should appease them enough to listen to my tales of you!
Matt (4:41pm) – Dream people are notoriously handsy, never take your eyes off them. And if they try anything inappropriate remember you can always start a fire.
Adam (5:17pm) – Well I sure will be lighting quite a few fires with that black number. wink wink. By fires I mean their pants… and by that I mean erections.
Matt (5:19pm) – Erection fires are no laughing matter Adam, over one person dies from that every six years.
Adam (5:24pm) – Don’t you talk to me about erection fires! I was neighbors with the janitor who cleaned out the room that the first case of erection fire was in!
Matt (5:25pm) – Your neighbor was a drunk and a liar!
Adam (5:28pm) – *gasp* How DARE you sir! Jason McJanitor was a fine upstanding gentleman who lost his foot trying to trip a hippo!
Matt (5:49pm) – Oh you and your clever wordplay, so many memories…
Adam (5:51pm) – Well I am all kinds of amazing.
Adam (11:29am) – WHAT!?! I tell everyone about you!! Where is this coming from? Am I not giving you enough attention?
Matt (12:57pm) – Sometimes I follow you around and eavesdrop on all of your conversations and it hurts my feelings when you talk about things other than how great I am.
Adam (1:25pm) Damnit Matt! It’s hard enough being a trend setter of the go-go nineties AND the last survivor of the great alaska australia war with a surviving mohawk it’s hard to tell everyone of your exploits.
(Matt (3:10pm) – No! You tell everyone all the time! Even in your sleep you tell dream people about me! You say “have you heard about Matt and how great he is?” and if they say no you threaten them with a knife!
Adam (3:26pm) – Hmmm, that is very convincing. But dream people are known racists. They openly said that the colored races must be expunged from all reality!
Matt (3:27pm) – They’re just trying to compensate for you eliminating the white race. It’ll probably balance out.
Adam (3:30pm) Hmmm that is also true. Oooo what if I wear that little black number. That should appease them enough to listen to my tales of you!
Matt (4:41pm) – Dream people are notoriously handsy, never take your eyes off them. And if they try anything inappropriate remember you can always start a fire.
Adam (5:17pm) – Well I sure will be lighting quite a few fires with that black number. wink wink. By fires I mean their pants… and by that I mean erections.
Matt (5:19pm) – Erection fires are no laughing matter Adam, over one person dies from that every six years.
Adam (5:24pm) – Don’t you talk to me about erection fires! I was neighbors with the janitor who cleaned out the room that the first case of erection fire was in!
Matt (5:25pm) – Your neighbor was a drunk and a liar!
Adam (5:28pm) – *gasp* How DARE you sir! Jason McJanitor was a fine upstanding gentleman who lost his foot trying to trip a hippo!
Matt (5:49pm) – Oh you and your clever wordplay, so many memories…
Adam (5:51pm) – Well I am all kinds of amazing.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
The Destruction of Matt (short one)
June 1 2010
Adam 10:16> So I'm enacting step 3 of the 157 step plan to destroy you. This plan consists of me making all of your writing group friends my friends.
THUS, making it impossible to be away from me!
Matt 10:19> I'm never really away adam. I'll always be in your heart, and hiding under you bed or in your shower, clutching a knife.
Adam 10:38> Well that is where I prefer you to be. That way you can protect me from child pornagraphers. I dont want some 40 year old dude gawking at my young supple body!!
Adam 10:16> So I'm enacting step 3 of the 157 step plan to destroy you. This plan consists of me making all of your writing group friends my friends.
THUS, making it impossible to be away from me!
Matt 10:19> I'm never really away adam. I'll always be in your heart, and hiding under you bed or in your shower, clutching a knife.
Adam 10:38> Well that is where I prefer you to be. That way you can protect me from child pornagraphers. I dont want some 40 year old dude gawking at my young supple body!!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Nightmare on Elm Street May 16th 2010
Matt 5:06pm> You want to go see Nightmare on Elm Street at 7:30?
Adam 5:17pm> Nah not tonight still tired form last night. Thanks Though.
Matt 5:49pm > Adam you hush it up and you keep it hushed up!
Adam 5:52pm> HOW DARE YOU! I AM SO ENRAGED!! USING MY OWN WEAPON
AGAINST ME!!! THAT'S IT! A DUEL! A DUEL I SAY!!!
Matt 5:53pm> I choose movies at 7:30
Adam 5:54pm > You would want that. That way you can roofy my soda or cut a hole in
the popcorn bag. I taught you those tricks!!!
Matt 7:26pm> You never taught me anything but how to be a terrible father! And to play
baseball! I hate you!
Adam 7:32pm> Look. I'm sorry. I tried to be a good male figure in your life. But as a single
mother raising you and five other kids is really hard to do when your body is as
worn out as mine.
Adam 5:17pm> Nah not tonight still tired form last night. Thanks Though.
Matt 5:49pm > Adam you hush it up and you keep it hushed up!
Adam 5:52pm> HOW DARE YOU! I AM SO ENRAGED!! USING MY OWN WEAPON
AGAINST ME!!! THAT'S IT! A DUEL! A DUEL I SAY!!!
Matt 5:53pm> I choose movies at 7:30
Adam 5:54pm > You would want that. That way you can roofy my soda or cut a hole in
the popcorn bag. I taught you those tricks!!!
Matt 7:26pm> You never taught me anything but how to be a terrible father! And to play
baseball! I hate you!
Adam 7:32pm> Look. I'm sorry. I tried to be a good male figure in your life. But as a single
mother raising you and five other kids is really hard to do when your body is as
worn out as mine.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Dynamic Duo
the text that started it all.
adam> Dude! Know what sounds awesome?! Ruebarb Pie with Ice Cream!
Matt> FUCK YEAH! THAT'S AN AWESOME COMBO
Adam> FUCK YEAH IT IS!! ITS THE FUCKING DYNAMIC DUO!!
Matt> HELL YEAH IT IS! WHOSE THE FUCKING NIGHT? RUEBARB PIE! THATS WHO!
Adam> AND WHOSE THE BOY WONDER? ICE CREAM! THATS THE FUCK WHO!!!
Note: this text happened about a year ago, so its not exact.
adam> Dude! Know what sounds awesome?! Ruebarb Pie with Ice Cream!
Matt> FUCK YEAH! THAT'S AN AWESOME COMBO
Adam> FUCK YEAH IT IS!! ITS THE FUCKING DYNAMIC DUO!!
Matt> HELL YEAH IT IS! WHOSE THE FUCKING NIGHT? RUEBARB PIE! THATS WHO!
Adam> AND WHOSE THE BOY WONDER? ICE CREAM! THATS THE FUCK WHO!!!
Note: this text happened about a year ago, so its not exact.
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